Luke Grown Up

It is a good feeling, getting in the door, hearing the music, and being able to partake in the festivities instead of being stuck in the cold with everyone else. Really good. I cheer in joy.

But I’m getting WAY ahead of myself. I shall start in the beginning. I found out a couple days ago that McMurphy’s, an “Irish” bar in Amherst was going to have a party yesterday called “The Blarney Blowout.” Though St. Patrick’s day isn’t til next week, we will all be on Spring Break, so they made it happen a week early. A smart idea, because they brought in a lot of people. The girls and I planned to go.

Anyway, I wake up yesterday after a night of drinking at Delano’s. It was a good crowd the night before - plenty of room to move around, and I was with a few good friends from home, so it was good times. I got home late, really drunk. Originally I was gonna take it easy in preparation for McMurphy’s, but of course I didn’t. This is after two more nights of drinking on top of that. So I wake up, and I don’t feel that hot. I feel okay, but I actually consider not going to the party. My stomach is in turmoil, and I just feel dazed. I decide to shower, get dressed, and make my way to the DC to get some breakfast to settle my stomach. I inform the girls of my plans, and I tell Ash that I’m coming over when I get back.

Breakfast is decent. The eggs are tasty, as is the sausage, but the chocolate chip pancakes nearly put me over the top. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but my stomach isn’t into them right at that moment. I feel like something is punching my guts. I get a tall cup of coffee to help wake me up. The coffee is really good.

I leave the DC and come home. It is 11:15. I gather my things, grab the sixer of Guinness I had bought from the fridge, and head down the hall. I knock, and Ashley answers wearing a green shirt. She informs me that Lauren is still sleeping. We go into her room and wake her up. I offer her a beer, but she turns it down. I crack beers for Ashley and me, and we drink while persuading Lauren to join us. She finally caves and takes a shower. I’m getting very excited. The Guinness sort of hurts my stomach, and though I have plenty of time to have another, I shut it down. After some good busts on each other, Ashley, Lauren, and I catch the 12:35 bus into town and get in a line of about 30 people, waiting to get into the party.

Now, this could have been a very boring experience. In fact, it was at first. I deserted the girls briefly to go into the record store across the street. It’s a cool little store - they specialize in mostly used and older stuff, butthey also carry some obscure stuff - I’ve never seen so many Jandek albums in one place in my life.

Upon leaving, I walk back across the street, and I notice the girls behind us drinking beers wrapped in paper bags. I think, I am a fucking idiot. The girls are brilliant for doing this, and Ashley and I agree we must get beer. I almost hop a bus and go home, but we decide it’d make more sense to buy singles at Russell’s Liquors around the corner. Meanwhile, Lauren is cold and hungry. I tell them to divide and conquer, and that I’ll hold the place in line. Ashley embarks to Russell’s, while Lauren scampers into Antonio’s and returns with a stacked slice of pizza. While they’re gone though, this girl hops in front of me in line. She refuses to believe that I was there before them, even though her friend is backing me up. This girl is the epitome of strumpet: platinum blond, fake orange tan, slightly wrinkled skin, North Face fleece, etc. She’s giving me a hard time, but she’s so wasted she’s basically just mumbling. Finally, she concedes defeat and slinks back behind me in line. Lauren comes back, and Ashley soon returns as well. We crack three Guinness, and we drink them pretty fast. Now I’m starting to feel really good, and I am having a good time in line, harassing some people that keep going in and out of the bar. The girls think I’m going to get their asses kicked: I know the only ass that’ll get kicked is mine. I decide we need more beer, Ashley agrees, Lauren doesn’t. I go to Russell’s to buy two beers. On the way I see a fucking alien inside Subway. I’m not fucking joking. It is wearing a little girl’s clothing and has a wicked veiny head, and it is eating the end of a sub. No, it isn’t even eating it, it is just holding it up. It gives me crazy eyes.

I walk into Russell’s and decide on two Newcastles. I bring them back, and we drink. The line starts to move a little faster. Soon we’re right at the front.

Then the unthinkable happens. The Skeleton Girl from last post emerges from the bar. My muscles tense up, and my stomach drops. She is friends with the two girls behind us in line, so she is talking to them. I’m doing my best not to look at her, because I don’t want her remembering it was I who busted her shit the other night. I don’t think she recognizes me though because I look totally different: different jacket, different clothes, no glasses. I think myself lucky for leaving in my contacts even when I wanted to take them out earlier.

Finally, after a good hour and a half of waiting outside, being stared at by passersby and generally just having a good time, we get inside, and the fun REALLY begins. I force my way up to the bar and order us a pitcher. As I’m doing this, Journey comes on, and I curse the gods. We commence drinking, and I decide to get in line for the bathroom, because though I don’t need to go very badly, I know I will in the minutes it will take to get into the bathroom. The girls join me soon after. We make our ways in and out, then Ash buys us beers in these tall plastic glasses specifically made for St. Patrick’s Day. I am thrilled. We drink a lot of beer and are merry. I essentially tell them I love them. We share hugs. It is the happiest I’ve been in quite awhile.

When I go to use the bathroom next, I see this guy that I saw earlier who was trying to steal beer from me. He is in front of me in line and wearing a piss-yellow shirt. I rest my beer on a ledge and wait in line. He doesn’t think I’m looking, so he grabs my beer and tries to take a sip. I scream, “NO NO NO!” and he stops before he gets it to his lips. I tell him it is my beer, and he apologizes, saying he thought it was his. I call him out on it, telling him I know full well that he knows it wasn’t his beer. He apologizes again and like an asshole I give him a sip.

Later on, John shows up. We all drink together and have a great time. I am wasted. The girls leave around 5:30, and John and I leave soon after to get dinner. I offer up the DC, but he is not about it at all. He treats me to The Pub. I get a Coke and he calls me a pussy. I am a mess, swearing incredibly loudly amidst old people and children. My burger arrives and it is the greatest thing I have ever tasted. I distinctly remember the bun being softer than a summer’s breeze. Well, at the time I was thinking, “Damn, this motherfucker is soft.” I probably said it aloud as well. Anyway, with food in my stomach, I am feeling a bit tired. John drives me home and I go over to the girls’, expecting them to be there. I need my contact case, and I left it in Ashley’s purse. Of course, they’re not there, but Ange tells me they’ll be back soon. Sure enough, they are. I probably say something stupid, then grab my shit and go back to my room and pass out, Sigur Ros keeping me company.

I wake up around 10:00, feeling pretty god-awful. Ash may be going back out, but then quickly rescinds the idea, and I am relieved. I know that if people are going out, there is a chance I might join them. I go over there and hang out til about 12:30, then I go home and watch 101 Dalmations. I am exhausted, but I can’t look away from the screen. Hugh Laurie is mesmerizing me, and it hurts my head to laugh. I fall asleep around 2:30.

As a result of yesterday, I am broke. I plan on going to St. Patrick’s Day in Boston, so I need to make some money somehow. I wonder if anyone needs an escort or something.

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