Luke Grown Up

So! This week has been a complete bust - I’ve been working my ass off more than I have the entire semester. Last night I had a Chem exam that I fuckin’ bombed, so I wasn’t too thrilled. Here are the events after that:

I walk back to my room, pissed off. I know that my night’s not over yet, for I have a shitload of OWLs (online Chem problems) due at midnight, and it’s 8:30. When I get back, I help Lauren get a codec to watch a movie on her computer, and the girls sans Ash are playing Karaoke Revolution. They tell me to come over when I’m done with my work. I agree, still in bad spirits.

I come back here and pour myself a stiff whiskey and coke. Then I get to work on the OWLs. Two hours and two drinks later, I’m finally done. I give my monitor the finger and grab a bottle of wine (what else is new) on my way to the girls’. I get there and Carrie and Angela are the only ones there - Ash and Laur had gone to the bars. I shrug and open my wine. The girls are doing the crossword puzzle at the table, so I sit with them and we attempt to solve it. Save one glass, I drink the entire bottle of wine in about an hour. I’m feelin’ good. Angela vanishes to talk to her boyfriend, and Carrie and I hang out and discuss American foreign policy. Okay, we actually discuss Nick At Nite, which is a crucial issue in contemporary American society. I leave so Carrie can go to bed, and as I’m walking out their door my stomach starts feeling quite empty. I think about what to eat when I get back.

I sit around for a little bit while watching Nick At Nite (the final Cosby Show) and I decide to finish off a bag of chips I had bought a few weeks ago. When that’s finished, I wonder what else to eat. I can’t remember why, but I go down to Benny’s room, and he shows me a funny video of this foreign woman getting in trouble with the police because her dog bit a passerby, and she keeps claiming the dog bites her “vagina” (a direct quote). As a response, I show him one of the baby-kicking videos that I’ve come to love. He too loves it within moments.

Benny is going outside for a cigarette, so I take my last Black And Mild and join him. It’s a bit cold out, and being April, I’m pretty pissed off. We get back inside and I decide that a couple frozen hamburgers are in order. I spray down the frying pan and turn on the stove. Then I take out the frozen patties. There are three left frozen together, and I only want two. I put them out for a minute to let them thaw enough that I can separate them with ease, but I grow impatient - I want my fuckin’ burgers. So I take out this utility knife that’s about 6 or 7 inches long and pretty slender. I try to force it between the patties. It slides through - success. In fact, there was so much success that it slid between the burgers at a rapid rate and slid directly into my thumb. This wasn’t your run-of-the-mill puncture wound- this was ridiculous. Deep. Almost an inch deep. I’m positive I saw either bone or something resembling bone (it was white) - yet it is a straight, clean cut. I am in shock. I say, “Uhh, Benny, can you come here for a minute?” Thinking I made a mess or something, he comes down the hall way as I’m bleeding profusely into the sink. I show him the laceration and I tell him, “I think I have to go to the hospital.” He says we can go to Health Services because they are open 24 hours. He gives me some paper towels and I wrap my thumb. We throw on jackets and I toy with the idea of putting up an away message. I start laughing. Benny puts one up. Thy cleans up my blood and freaks out of his stoner head when he sees the wound. I laugh. I ask him calmly to put the one burger that didn’t fall on the floor back in the fridge. He zips up my leather jacket. Benny and I leave, but I run down to the girls’ and knock, because I want them to see this motherfucker. No one answers. It is now about 2 AM. We rush downstairs and hop in Benny’s car.

When we arrive at Health Services, I ring the bell. A young man comes to the door to let us in. I tell him my hand is really cut open. He takes a look and lets us right in. The Nurse Practitioner on duty looks at it and gasps as my blood drips on the floor. I’m going to need stitches. The young man takes me into a room and cleans and dresses the wound. I’m telling him what happened and making jokes. That is the tone of the night- my hand’s a gaping wound, and I’m busting jokes and breaking stones.

Well, right about the time we got there, the place started getting busy. There were a couple really drunk people, one of whom had pissed himself, an assault, and some other people. So I wasn’t at the top of the list. I’m not concerned. I flip on Nick At Nite and indulge in several episodes of the Fresh Prince. I then have Benny call Thy to get Lauren’s number so I can tell her what happened. I give her a call and she’s drunk, but sounds worried as she calls me a dumbass. It would have gone on longer but one of the nurses tells me she has to take my vitals. I tell this to Lauren and I say goodbye. I jovially ask Benny why she’s so mad. My vitals look good, so I fill out some paper work with Benny. Then I watch more Fresh Prince until they’re ready for me.

They lead me into a room, and I sit on a propped bed. I put my hand through a sheet which brings me back to my Hasidic Jew days. I chuckle. As they’re trying to look at the cut and get everything reading, the doorbell rings. The young man goes and gets the door. Lauren scrambles into the room and leaves pretty quickly after seeing all the blood and making people feel nervous with all her energy. The NP starts the stitching after confirming that no nerves or tendons were cut and after she numbed the area with some injections of novocaine with epinephrine. The whole time I’m making jokes. One of the drunk kids keeps walking in and out of the room, claiming, “Dude I told you not to use that buzzsaw!” After he leaves the second time, I ask someone to close the door because he’s getting on my nerves. When she gets to nine stitches, I ask for a tenth because “if I don’t get stitches in the double digits, my friends are going to make fun of me”. Benny is there the whole time. Quite a trooper. Then they wash off my hand with saline, bandage me up, and give me some information. Then they give me a tetanus shot. I thank them profusely, and Benny and I leave. Lauren sees us exit the building and yells to Ashley, who has already started walking home. They hitch a ride back with us. We get back around 4 and I toss on some more Fresh Prince, then e-mail my professor and tell her I’m not coming to class - I’ve earned the day off. I pass out by 4:30.

All I can say is, I’m glad I had good humor about it - I had a fuckin’ good time, despite the stitches that have to stay in for 2 weeks.

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