Luke Grown Up

Yesterday was such a beautiful day. Gorgeous. On Friday night John, Heather, Angela, Michael, Ashley, Benny, and I went to McMurphy’s. It was fun, but not really worth an entry, though I did see the Beer Asshole and practically laughed in his face. I’m not sure who did what or everything that happened, but I think the girls and I agreed to go to the Black Sheep, a deli uptown, the next day for lunch. So we wake up and walk downtown. The group is Angela, Ashley, Michael, and me.We’re all getting a little hot in our jeans. As we’re walking, John drives by and beeps. I call him up, he agrees to meet us up there. On the way, we pick up another group member: Ashley’s friend Emily. Angela wins a cookie platter from the front of Subway. A nice surprise.

When we get there, John’s sitting on a ledge next to the police station looking like a total badass with his stubble, aviators, and cigarette hangin’ from his mouth. I take a seat next to him for a second, then we go to the Black Sheep. I start busting John’s chops in a peculiar way that I only do to John. I get Nick’s #1 Pick, which is essentially a Reuben. We take our food across the street to the park and eat it. My sandwich is pretty good. There are half-naked children running around with their parents saying odd things. We sit for an hour or so. I buy an energy drink at the Black Sheep. John leaves to get a keg. Benny drives up and sits with us. We stay for awhile and I contemplate aloud the idea of going to ABC to get a beer and drinking it outside. Ashley likes it. Emily says goodbye after a bit. When a woman that looks like she’s about to call the tow truck on Benny peers into his car windows, we put the plan into action. Benny and I go park his car in the parking garage as the troika walks. I toss change in the meter and Benny and I join them at ABC. They tell us there is a 20 minute wait, I say “Shut it down.” We walk out and head over to the park, where Extravaganja is going on. It’s nothing more than a hippie-fest, so we leave pretty fast. Also due to our speed of egress I didn’t have to stomp any throats.

Benny is hungry, as he hasn’t eaten yet. We cross the street and walk to Antonio’s. When he walks in I inform everyone else that I still want a drink, so I will be stepping into McMurphy’s (next door). Everyone else joins me. We are 5 of the 7 people in there at this point. I order a Guinness and sip, enjoying the weather and the bar. The bartender switches to last night’s Sox game and the Heat game as Benny walks in with his slices. He sits next to me and gets a water. We are having a good time.

By the time I finish my drink, people have started coming in, and I’m ready for number two. I suggest buying a shot and a beer for both Benny and me. He declines. I offer up a pitcher, and he accepts. I order us a pitcher of Michelob Ultra, which is probably the worst beer I’ve ever had. It tastes like a hot engine, and that’s the only way I can describe it. The guys that had come in brought one of their little brothers with them. Since it is pretty dead, the bartender allows him to be there, but he isn’t allowed to drink (obviously - the kid looks like he’s 16). So they’re all having a good time drinking while Little Bro scrolls through the jukebox and looks bored as fuck. One of the guys (Chris Lynch, we learn later) already looks exceptionally drunk. He has his hat on backwards, huge ears, and a generally goofy face. This character will be important later.

As we work on the pitcher, I notice a guy down the bar making googly eyes at me. Well, he isn’t making them AT me, just in my direction - he just happens to have googly eyes and has his head turned towards me. I note this to Angela, who laughs and tells me she was just about to tell me that. Michael looks a little sunburnt, but he is nevertheless having a good time.

After the pitcher, I notice that Ashley had ordered a Corona. I follow suit. Someone puts on some shitty country, so I bounce out of my seat and put on Flaming Lips and Gorillaz. Later I put on Wilco, but I mess it up, and I think the song plays twice. Whoops. Anyway, so I’m sitting at the bar rocking out, drinking my Corona. We settle in as today’s Red Sox game starts. We get another round. More people come in. We all comment that we started the bar. We did start the bar. I predict that we will be there all night, even though none of us sans Benny has yet showered.

The guys that came in right after us are getting hammered. They continue ordering car bombs non-stop. Chris Lynch spills down his shirt a couple times. They play football in the corner, and the bartender tells them to knock it off. More people come. The bartender calls for backup. Chris Lynch starts hitting on Ashley, which amounts to him staring down her shirt. He can’t really talk anymore. Ange gets him to buy us a round. We are happy.

Soon the bartender says he won’t make any more car bombs for that group, as they are too shit-faced. They leave at some point, leaving Chris Lynch behind. He tries to get a drink, but the bartender cuts him off and forces him to leave. Around now, the backup arrives, and the original bartender, who had told us earlier that it was never this busy, leaves. The guy and girl bartenders that just came in are doing a hell of a job keeping up.

After a bit, I realize that I had 3 missed calls from Emily, a friend I had met in a class last semester (a different Emily from the first one in the story - the first Emily doesn’t show up again, so don’t be confused). I go outside, where the weather is still beautiful, and I call her and apologize for missing her calls - she has some stuff at my apartment she has to pick up. I tell her I’ll be out probably for another hour, but I’ll call her when I get back. She’s fine with it. I head back in and watch some more Sox.

Benny gets a tap on his shoulder and turns around. A 40-year-old-looking man explains to Benny that he and his friend are old men, and he would appreciate it if he and I gave up our seats. We’re not budging, but he’s not done yet. He adds that he is willing to buy our next three rounds if we comply. We comply. Benny and I stand at the bar and hang out - no worries. At this point I need to use the bathroom, so I head back and wait in the short line. While I’m standing there, I see Chris Lynch sneak in the back door. I think nothing of this. I pee and when I’m done, I head out to my spot out at the bar. I get there just in time to hear the male bartender yell in Chris Lynch’s face: “NO! YOU HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW, OR I’M CALLING THE COPS! LEAVE!” The female bartender yells, “Just leave!” but not as loudly. Male Bartender goes to grab the phone off the wall. Chris Lynch leaves. (Note: I find out later that he will sneak in again and get booted again.)

We only scam two rounds off of the old guy, because Benny has to go see Dave Matthews, and I have to go meet Emily. I tell Benny I’ll be waiting outside, and I step out. I forget to say goodbye to everyone else. I apologize. The weather is still great, and it is around 6:30. I sit on a bench in front of McMurphy’s and wait. I nearly fall asleep while sitting there. However, Benny comes out, calls my name, and I get my second wind. We hop in his car (now parked at Cousin’s) and as we’re about to leave, I decide I need smokes. I run in and buy a pack of cloves (Djarum Specials), and I buy Benny his Marlboro Light 100s. We head back home.

When we get there, Benny’s friend Jeff, who is going to the concert too, is waiting in the loop in front of our building. Like the drunken fool I am, I run up and give him a hug. Then I grab some of his stuff and help him bring it in. We get upstairs and I call Emily, telling her I’m back. She heads over. I turn on Gitaroo Man and play a sloppy game. Jeff comes in and asks if I have Rez. I nod and throw it on. He is pumped. He plays the first level and I watch like a bastard, loving it. When he’s done he gives the controller back, and I turn Gitaroo Man on again. As I’m playing, Emily calls. I go down to meet her. I get down there and I am blown away by her haircut - I think it’s incredibly cute, and my drunk mind can’t handle it. I mentally slap myself in the face, then I take her upstairs. She grabs her stuff and goes.

Around now, my stomach starts rumbling. I need food. Fast. I IM Louis and demand that he come to the DC with me. He agrees, and minutes later I grab my old pack of cloves and meet him at his place, and we descend the hill to Worcester. I get a veritable feast: a piece of veal parmesan, a heap of mashed potatoes, some green beans, and a slice of pizza. I am pigging out - I haven’t been this happy to eat in my whole life, I think. Louis gets some mashed potatoes as well, and I eat most of them. He and I leave. On the way back I tell him I have a surprise for him. I whip out the pack of cloves and he loves it. There is only one left (good thing I bought more), so we share it. When we get to my place, he asks if I have any wine. “Uhh, duh,” I reply like a Valley girl. Louis doesn’t understand one thing: like John, I also have a level of safety that I must maintain. My level is at 2 or more bottles of white wine. Even if I drink all of my beer and liquor, so long as I have a couple bottles of wine, I’m safe. A bottle of wine is Instant Drunk for me, so it satisfies.

So we go upstairs and I pull out the bottle of shitty table wine that was chilling in the fridge. I hastily wash a pair of glasses, and we walk down the hall to the girls’. I knock and Lauren answers, the apartment looking a tad dark and eerie for my tastes. I ask if it’s cool if we drink there since my place is a putrid mess (no hyperbole there - rotting food and such lying around), and she’s cool with it. We sit on the couch and I pop the cork. Then I pull the stopper out of the bottle of wine. Lauren alternates between sitting with us and running down the hall to get ready for the evening. Louis alternates between sipping wine and gulping it. I have 2 glasses I think. No worries. Finally, when the bottle is done, Louis and I head out. I say goodbye to Louis and step my hot body into the cool shower. It feels so wonderful to have the water dissipating the heat that I had picked up all day. It calms me down, and I can’t remember the last time I had a shower this enjoyable either. Maybe I should get wasted during the day more often.

Oh, we’re not done yet - the story’s about to get more interesting.

I get out of the shower and towel off. I head to my room and crank some music. For some reason I hypothesize that it’s a brilliant idea to lift weights naked. Once I finish, I conclude that my theory is correct. I get dressed for the evening: some jeans and a button-down shirt that I have yet to wear. I fix my hair and all that boring shit, then I grab two Caribs (cheap Caribbean beer) and head down the hall.

When I arrive, everyone is back. Mike’s friend Ho comes in. We all hang out for awhile, playing a few games of quarters and all that. Lindsey, Joey, and their friend show up. The first two of the group take copious amounts of tequila shots. Around now I start to get a little depressed - Everyone is going to an invite-only party, and I’m not invited (among other reasons that are not blogworthy). So my night is about to come to an end. I text John and tell him to come out. He and I text back and forth, but he never gives me a final answer. However, Ho doesn’t want to go to the party, and Angela’s sister’s fiancee is at Charlie’s, so the four of us decide to go there. I get a weird feeling of dread for a second, but the news cheers me up immediately otherwise.

Around 11:30, we finally head out. We park at Charlie’s and get ready to go inside. Then things change for Luke: I see Sara’s friend. Shit. That means Sara can’t be far behind.

For those of you that didn’t read last post, read it. For the lazy ones, Sara was a girl I went on a date with the previous weekend who turned out to be a lemon. Like a car. A fuckin’ jalopy. You gotta read the post, because the extent of the jalopy-ness can only be told there - I’m not telling it again.

So anyway, we’re standing in line behind her friend, and her friend yells, “SARA!!!” I quickly snap my head to the right to see where she is - I see her standing between two cars, faced away. Good - this means I don’t have to make eye contact. I avert my gaze immediately and get in line with my friends. Somehow I get stuck at the end of the line. And as usual, my ID is scanned. Terrific. I finally get through and follow my friends to the bar. I meet Angela’s sister’s fiancee, who I will now call Clarence because I can’t remember his name. And guess what happens next? Sara and her friend box me in at the bar. So I do the first thing that comes to mind: I jump ship.

I have been a big fan of running away for a long time. Something about it makes it so hilariously childish - probably the fact that literally running away from problems is something a child would do. I remember this one night when I was a freshman, I was at the FSC radio station and some girl was all over me like gravy on mashed potatoes. I needed to get out. So I ripped my arm loose from her grasp, threw open the door to the outside, and dashed home. I didn’t stop running until I got into my building. Thinking about it even then, I thought it was awesome.

Basically, I tell Mike I had to make a phone call, then I go outside and call John, lighting up a clove. I think we speak briefly, but the gist is that he’s not coming. “Fuck it,” I say, and I make my way to Delano’s alone. On the way I notice Kara had called me, so I call her back and I chat with her and Heather for a couple minutes. Then I call Ange to tell her where I am, but she doesn’t answer.
Delano’s is pretty busy. I have to struggle to get to the bar to get a drink. I want a Bud Light draft, but I end up ordering a bottle instead. I have no cash, so I open a tab. When I get my beer, I take it to the bathroom and drink it while I pee. I imagine that it’s going directly through me into the toilet, and I giggle. They both look and taste the same anyway. When I’m done I head out and stand against the wall until I finish. A townie and his woman get up and offer me their seats. I take one of them. I ask what the minimum tab is. “10 bucks,” the bartender replies. I tell him to keep the Bud Lights comin’.

3 more beers and less than 45 minutes later, I am hammered. I gotta go though for some reason - an impulse is driving me. I turn to my right as I’m finishing my beer and see someone from a class last semester. I say hi to her, but she doesn’t seem too thrilled to see me. I shrug and start to get out of my seat, when I see Lauren, a friend of mine from a class this semester. She runs over and gives me a big hug. We talk for a quick minute, then I tell her I have to go. I leave and it breaks my heart - she’s gorgeous.

I mosey on back to Charlie’s, where I don’t even care about those girls anymore. I go up to Mike and he is a little surprised to see me. I tell him about the phone trouble, and we exchange numbers. He jokes around with me a bunch. We bond. After I pull my dick from his ass, we get along great.

The bar’s closing, so we get out and walk uptown to a party that someone knows about. We get there and someone offers me a beer. I drink most of it and put the can in the corner on the floor. All of a sudden there is a loud knock on the door. Someone opens the door, and all of a sudden all of tenants are getting arrested. I think it’s for noise, though that makes no sense. We scurry out. We grab a ride home with Clarence and his friend.

We get inside, and I contemplate playing Final Fantasy VII for awhile. Realizing this is a bad idea, I get ready for bed and pass out nice and hard.

Wish you were here John, wish you were here.

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