Luke Grown Up

I smoked my first clove my sophomore year of college. My roommate and I had gone to see Sin City and I saw one of the characters smoking, so I said to myself, “I need a pack of cloves.” I bought it and smoked the first one while playing frisbee. It made me feel weird. After that, I smoked one every couple of nights. I went out to the quad and sat around, or I stood in front of the building if I was feeling lazy. I smoked cigarettes once in awhile, switching from Camels to Djarums to Swisher Sweets and back again to Djarums. No real pattern, just testing the waters.

Then I went to Syracuse during the winter of last year. There I met D’Errico’s friend Andrew (who we call “Paco”). He introduced me to Djarum Supers. We smoked a bunch of them and I loved it. When I arrived back at school, I bought a pack of Supers. After that pack was done, I ended up getting a pack of Specials, I think by mistake. Specials are brown, and they are amazing. After that time, I ended up buying them all the time. They helped me get through this past summer when I was bored out of my skull.

Then when I came back to school, I ended up going through cloves faster than a germophobe goes through Purell. I kept giving them out to my roommates and friends. One pack would last me two days. Since a pack costs around 7 bucks, I was like, fuck, this is no good. So I decided to follow in Paco’s example and buy me a carton. I would end up saving half the money buy getting it (a carton was about 35 bucks). So I went for it.

When the carton came, I decided it was a good idea to keep track of my habits when smoking it. I found that each pack led to a new story. I also decided that right as I was starting the carton, I would quit smoking after it was finished.

As usual, Pack 1 was doled out swiftly to my friends. I was rolling in cloves at this point, so I wasn’t concerned about it.

Pack 2 started in an interesting way. I had had a few already, and one day I was coming back from class and I saw Ed (one of my roommates) outside smoking one of my cloves. He told me he took it because he was freaking out - someone had stolen $1500 from his bank account and wired it to Australia. I was pretty pissed about that too, so I grabbed the pack from my room and joined him outside, and we discussed it a bit. Eventually, he got his money back, but in the meantime he was pissed off all the time - the pack went fast. Toward the end, I gave one to a girl named Trish and made her pledge that the next one she borrowed she had to smoke with me.

Pack 3 was pretty much split even with Ed. During this pack Ed had a brilliant idea because of one annoying event. While we were outside smoking one day, I a clove, Ed a cigarette, some guy came up and asked Ed for a smoke. Ed gave it to him, the guy said thanks, and he walked inside without smoking it. We were both pretty pissed about it - it’s common courtesy to smoke with the person you bum from, or at least even talk to them for a couple minutes. But no, the prick took the cigarette and fuckin’ left. Bastard. So Ed hatched a great plan to thwart squatters that tried to bum cigarettes all the time. He bought a soft-pack of Basics (Full-Flavored Menthols) and left them on the counter in our kitchen. Any time either of us were to go outside, we would have to take the Basics with us. This way if anyone tried to bum one, we would give them a Basic. I never had the privilege of having to do this, but Ed did - he said the guy he gave it to took a drag, coughed a ton, and said, “Hey, this is pretty good!” Obviously the young man was deluded, because I tried one one day and I could only take one drag before I had to throw it out- absolutely dreadful.

By Pack 4 I was feeling cocky. I knew I had a lot of cloves left, so I didn’t even try to conserve them. The pack was gone within 24 hours. At night I got really drunk and smoked several at the same time, looking like a total asshole. The next day my friend Kiersten and I went uptown to pick out some decorations for my room. I got a sweet tapestry, and that was about it. We smoked the rest of the pack in the following couple of hours while Ed lied around.

Pack 5 was definitely one of the most eventfiul. This pack led me to go to a party in Hobart with Danny Hikes, a friend of mine that also happens to be an ALA (Apartment Living Assistant - that’s my job this year). It turned out to be a pretty lame party, but it was good to hang with Danny - I don’t get to see many of my co-workers as much anymore. So Danny, Ed, Sam (another of my roommates) and a couple of other people go to this party. We’re outside and I get introduced to this guy named Jamal. He tells us he has a great story. We are psyched up for the best moment of the night, and Jamal ends up telling this horrible story about seeing some Irish people at a bar and how they were really drunk. Shorty after this major disappointment, I ditch and walk home with a couple people.

A couple more things came out of this pack. Sam made a brilliant comment about the fact that I was smoking more than ever in order to quit - the irony made me laugh a lot. I was also judged by some of my friends - they told me how disappointed they were in me for smoking. I essentially told them to fuck themselves. They don’t seem to understand that I am a strong person, and that I can quit whenever I want. I guess that’s a pretty cliche statement, but it’s true. Finally, I decided that, beginning with the next pack, I would only give out cloves to people who agreed to stay and smoke with me.

Pack 6 was gone in two days. I gave out cloves to all who wanted them.

Pack 7 was completely uneventful, but it too went fast.

Pack 8 fell in sequence with my feelings of sadness as the autumn weather approached. The weather was still beautiful at the time, so I spent a lot of the pack lying in the grass by my building and enjoying the sun and the breeze. I gave the grass many deep inhales, and I knew that in a month or two the grass would all be gone, hidden by the unwelcoming snow. So I basked in it while I could. I also spent this back hatching a plan to get my Seinfeld DVDs back from Louis, who transferred at the end of last year and borrowed it before he left. He never gave it back, and I was pretty pissed. I have IMed him and written on his Facebook wall numerous times, but he never responds. I spoke with some of our other friends, and they said he never responded to them either. So he’s being a totally sketchy asshole. I decided that I would get back my Seinfeld by hook or by crook, or sever all ties and piss him off in the process. At least once a week I would write on Louis’ wall, demanding my Seinfeld back. I started off being nice about it, but since the first post, I have become more direct and more angry. I know this will end in one of two ways: he will send it back (not likely) or he will unfriend me (much more likely). At this point, I will hammer his phone, leaving messages demanding my Seinfeld. I will have others call him too, either demanding the DVD or simply prank-calling him. I doubt this will get him to return it to me, but I’m sure after awhile he will either block my number entirely or be forced to get a new number. So at the very least, I will make his life a living hell for awhile. It’s been a couple weeks since I started, and things are going well.

Pack 9 went by fairly slowly as I tried to pace it out. I thought Diaz and Ross would be coming here this weekend, so I wanted to save the last pack for when they arrived. They ended up not coming, so it didn’t even matter. Anyway, Ed stole one, and that was the height of excitement for the pack. One other even that transpired during the pack: I had my first Belgian beer (Duvel) and I loved it. Since then, I’ve decided that I’m going to buy more Belgians whenever I can. I’ve since only had another one (I can’t remember what it was called, but it was even better than the Duvel).

Pack 10 went really fast. I saved last one for days, smoking others’ cigarettes. My loophole was, as long as my last clove is still unsmoked, I can smoke as much as I want - but I can’t buy any. My plan was to drop 7 dollars on the floor in front of one of my roommates and subtly suggest that it be used to buy a pack of cloves. However, this never happened. On Thursday, it was my birthday- I smoked maybe one clove, and the rest were others’ smokes. I had a whole bunch of people over, and it was fantastic. On this past Saturday morning, I smoked my last clove.

It’s been 2 days since I last smoked. I feel fine, and I only want a smoke mildly here and there. I did cheat a little bit- after my last clove, I smoked 6 or 7 cigarettes over the course of Saturday, but that was more out of necessity of my current situation than anything else (a trip that would behoove me not to discuss publicly - if you want to hear about it, ask me). I had said that I would never touch a cigarette again, and I could easily do that. However, I still haven’t decided if I want to do this - I’ve always believed that moderation is key, and that if I smoke one once in awhile, it won’t kill me. But I haven’t figured that one out yet - I’m at least taking a few weeks or a month off from smoking so my lungs can clear. All I know is that it’s been a good year having Djarum on my side. If anyone is into smoking, I highly recommend Djarum Specials. They burn slowly, and they’re not as sweet as Blacks - waaaay better. Enjoy them - but not in excess.

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