Luke Grown Up

There is this guy I know loosely. Since winter break I’ve been seeing him regularly here and there. He lived in my dorm, he was in my winter class, and then he was in one of my spring semester classes. Now I ride the bus with him to and from class. It’s fucked up. It’s as if the Fates are telling me that I should be friends with him. We live near each other (still), and we’re both pre-med.

Obviously the Fates are fucking retards, because they’re not seeing him clearly. Either that or they’re sympathizing with him because he too is a fucking idiot. Here’s what I mean:

• He looks like a caveman: short, stocky, beady eyes, flat head, big ears. He looks like he hasn’t fully evolved.
• He only wears a combination of these things: Nike flip-flops, socks, sweatpants, mesh shorts, a black Nike hoodie, and Under Armor. That’s it. I have not seen him wear any other clothes, and I’ve seen him nearly every day for fucking 7 months. It’s the summer and he still wears that stuff.
• He rarely (if ever) did his homework in our winter class. It took him at least a week and a half to go to the Continuing Education office and pay for the course, but I’m almost positive he never went and paid for it at all. Meaning, he sat in class for 3 long weeks and it amounted to nothing for him.
• In the spring, he sat sullenly in the discussion section and didn’t say a word, fidgeting in an exaggerated fashion, waiting to get out of the room. One time when I left he bestowed upon me his wisdom: “I hate that guy [the TA, a middle-aged graduate student]! Everything that comes out of his mouth is soooo stupid!” Uh huh. Though the TA didn’t always use class time effectively (one time he walked in with a huge roll of paper towels and wiped off his mysteriously soaked desk, then calmly asked the class, “Anybody want some paper towels? I got a whoooole roll.”), he knew what he was talking about and tried to help us understand the material.

Now, I may or may not have the makings of a doctor myself. My grades aren’t the best and I haven’t done any work in the health field yet. But this dude has no chance. He is a bottom-feeder content with mediocrity, listening to shitty rap while he plays on his overexpensive phone. But that’s okay with me. If he applies to med school, which I hope he does, he’ll make me look that much better.

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