Luke Grown Up

Good thing bread is fuckin’ cheap. Otherwise I’d have very little to eat. I plan on eating peanut butter sandwiches and ramen for the next week or so until I go to Boston for the weekend, and then I will probably eat more of them when I get back. It’s a tough life. Especially when I’m still 2 weeks away from getting paid (and I haven’t filled out tax information - I hope I get a fucking paycheck today, even though it’s only going to be 10 bucks or something) and I need supplies now.

I’ve been entertaining myself by playing Everyday Shooter (a cool top-down musical shooting game - you should check it out) and watching various movies. But I’m still alone. Don’t get me wrong, my roommates are really nice, cool guys, and they’re good to live with, but I feel like we don’t get each other. No worries, I guess. Compound that with the fact that only a few people I know are around, and I’d probably only hang out with a couple of them because the rest suck, and you’ve got a recipe for a shitty time.

I don’t want this blog to be a chronicle of me complaining all the time, but I think that’s what it needs to be right now. I’m not having any fun, I’m not hanging out with anyone, and I’m not even making money yet.  It sucks! I think after next weekend it will be a bit better, because I’ll have seen Sara and my batteries will be recharged, and I’ll also have a car for the rest of the summer, which will make my life a lot easier. I just wish I had something else to look forward to.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the past couple of days, and I’ve realized that this is probably the worst summer I’ve had in awhile, if not ever. Last summer I was making good money, and pretty much every weekend I went into Boston to hang with the boys and relax. I’ve realized too that I need to be in a city when I’m done here, because this is just too much - there’s nothing to look at and nothing to do. While living in a quiet apartment is definitely good, it’s also somewhat mind-numbing, and it makes me stir-crazy very easily.  When school starts up again it’ll be better, so I guess I shouldn’t start thinking so far ahead yet.

I just want to say this last thing: I love you Sara. So much. Come home to me soon.

I’m lonely. No one calls me (except Sara, but she doesn’t count because she’s my love) or makes any effort to visit me - people seldom talk to me online. I miss Sara and my friends from home, all of whom I haven’t seen in far too long. I’m so broke I had to quit cigarettes this morning because I couldn’t pay for them. I don’t get paid for 2 weeks. Rent is due next week and I’m going to need food too, and I can’t afford any of it. I’m bored of reading, playing games, and studying, but I have nothing else to do, no one to hang out with, no way to get anywhere, and no money to do anything when I get there (wherever that is) . I haven’t felt emotional in a long time (years), but now I’m getting overwhelmed with everything and I’m feeling helpless and alone. Despite what it may seem like, I’m vulnerable and I know it. And it hurts to be like this.

But I’m getting A’s in my classes.

Go Luke, I guess.

I had my first day of work last night. It went well, everyone is really cool, and the discount is RIDICULOUS.  I think I’m really going to enjoy working there. However, I definitely am going to need to work more hours once these classes are done - I won’t make enough money to pay my bills otherwise.

Bills. What a buzzkill. I love being on my own, but I hate paying so much to do it.  Next year I’ll be more on my own than I have been previously, and though it will be awesome to have my own place and have everything set up so I can do whatever I want/need, it’s going to be expensive.  My plans:

1.  Set up desktop computer for music production
   1. Buy some more equipment, like an M-Box or something to record real instruments
2. Buy a sweet TV and make it my hub
   1. Build a media center PC so I can record shows without paying for TiVo
   2. Watch all of the movies and TV shows I have on the backlog
3. Pick up the musical instruments again

I’m sure there’s more, but these things require that I stop playing video games as much (maybe an hour a day or less) and get everything done on time, as well as make a conscious effort to learn how to use the software I have. I really have a lot of stuff I want to do, and it needs to get done for my wellbeing.

On another note, I’m about halfway through The Horse And His Boy. It’s a good one, and I can’t wait to get through so I can plow through the whole series, and then read the book I took out of the library (I  should just return it, because I already have so many books I need to read).  I have lab stuff to do tonight, and after I’m done, I’m probably going to either read it (more likely) or watch a movie (less likely).  We’ll see what happens.

I was so irritated with the bus system here yesterday that the residual irritation has passed over to today, leaving me mildly irritated.

Let me start by saying that I thought the weekend was going to be a good one. On Friday night I beat Final Fantasy VII after owning it for ten years.  And I was very disappointed. I spent at least 20 hours leveling up my characters so that they would have a chance in hell of beating Sephiroth.  I got all the Master Materia, beat the WEAPONs, bred a Gold Chocobo, and got all the special materia in the caves.  I went into the fight thinking I was going to die immediately. Nope.  After the first boss, I was required to put all 8 of my characters into 3 parties, so I spent a good 20 minutes evening them out so that I wouldn’t have to do it all again.  Turns out I didn’t even have to switch from the first party once. I beat Sephiroth in less than 10 minutes. With regular attacks.  What a fuckin’ let-down.  I didn’t even get to see his ridiculous summon which apparently you can make and eat a sandwich during and he still won’t be done casting it.  As he died, no words from him. No closure between him and Cloud. Then a cool-looking cinematic, then the credits. I was a little upset about it.

I should have let that let-down gauge the weekend, because yesterday was a HUGE ball bust.  I had orientation at 8, so I awoke at 6, left here to walk to the bus stop at 6:55 (the stop is on campus and there was no bus running from my apartment to campus).  Got there around  7:25, and the bus should be arriving at 7:55.  I look at the schedule and see that it’s not going to go to the mall where I work until 8:05.  Bus comes late, I get there 25 minutes late.  I can’t get into the building. Finally, I do.  I’m there for 2 hours. 2 HOURS. I was supposed to be there for 4.  So I missed the next bus by 5 minutes. Wait there for almost an hour and see a bus that says it’s going to a nearby town via my college. So I get on and put my money in. I am suspicious, so I ask the driver if it’s going to campus first. She says the nearby town is first. So we drive there and I think we’re heading back but she says we have to wait until 12:30.  That’s 45 minutes away. So I’m sitting on the bus, alone, for 45 minutes, with nothing to do.

On the way back, two filthy hippies get on and sit across from me, stinking of BO and eating bananas. I want to vomit.  Three sketchy older guys come on, 2 with mustaches, and sit down. One of them throws his stuff on a seat and two cigarettes, one of them lit and put out, on the seat next to it. Another one of the guys has a pouch of rolling tobacco in his breast pocket, sticking out the top like a 2-dollar handkerchief. The smell of burnt tobacco is making me more sick.  The male hippie starts drumming on the side of his djembe. I want to shoot myself.  I have a folder of stuff from my orientation on the seat next to me, and some lady gets on and doesn’t fucking look where’s she’s sitting and sits in the seat. I grab the folder right before her ass touches it.

Finally, I get back to campus and have to wait for ANOTHER bus to take me home. And it’s 15 minutes late.  By the time I get home I’ve been out for 7 hours, only 2 of which were serving a purpose.  Now I am working on getting a used car because I can’t deal with this shit all the time. It’s bogus. The buses are just not dependable at all, considering they’re always late and their drivers are idiots.  Then I was upset all night because I miss Sara so much.  I can’t stand to be without her, and I’ve never felt this way about someone before.  She really is the yin to my yang.

I had good pasta last night.

The title says it all. For a couple days I’m free of work (though I have job orientation tomorrow at 8 AM and an exam on Tuesday that I have to study for), and the living is relaxed. Let me tell you all though, not working (yet), having no friends around, and living with a couple who tend to go out often together (I don’t fault them for this - just part of being a couple) makes me lonely and anxious. Stir-crazy. I really miss Sara, and I want her here so badly. I’ll be seeing her in less than a couple weeks (job-permitting), but I still miss her so much - she’s working all the time, so I hardly hear from her (though it’s good for her, making money and staying busy so she doesn’t miss me too much in her spare time, which isn’t much). If I had some friends around, I think I’d be in better shape, but no can do I suppose.

Anyway, I thought about writing this entry this morning, because something hysterical happened. I, like most other people, don’t get enough sleep, and so when I wake up, I am in a fog for about 45 minutes. So I’m in the fog and taking a shower. Since it was a little chilly this morning, I was taking a warm shower. I like to turn the heat up as I go to make it warmer - feels awesome. So I’m standing there in a really warm shower, in a deeper haze because the extra heat makes me extra dazed. All of a sudden, the rack we have in the shower that hooks over the shower head slipped from the base (against the wall) and down the neck, hitting the head and dropping a bottle. The loud skkkk-BANG scared the shit out of me. I fixed it and started laughing. I’m glad that happened too, because it snapped me out of the fog and got me going (I was running a few minutes later than usual, so I really needed that). I guess this isn’t very funny to anyone. But next time you’re taking a shower in the morning, just imagine this happening to you. Who knows, maybe just the thought of it will keep you on track.

Hopefully this weekend is good. I need to see Sara SO BAD.

EDIT: I just remembered! Last week when I was watching Road Trip, I noticed a Ween poster (for the album Chocolate And Cheese - a good one) on the wall of Brecken Meyer’s dorm room. Then later in the movie, while they’re on the road in the short bus (what a bad movie, eh?), “Voodoo Lady”, Ween’s single off that CD, was playing in the background. SWEEEEEEEEE

So I just got out of class a little while ago, and I decided to go into town to work on a phase of Sara’s Surprise that I’ve been working on for a couple weeks now. I can’t say what this Surprise is because she reads this blog (hi Sara!) and I don’t want anyone blabbing. But let’s just say it takes awhile to get the whole Surprise together. Anyway, after I completed the phase, I waited for the bus, and once I boarded, the ride was absurd. I’m going to post part of the story from dynamoaf because it is absolutely ridiculous. If you want the rest, go to the link above and read the rest.

Most ridiculous, and I swear this happened, was the older-looking Middle Eastern woman breastfeeding across from me. The baby was at her belt, and a small portion of the woman’s midriff was showing. MEANING, SHE WAS BREASTFEEDING THE BABY FROM A WICKED SAGGY BREAST THAT HUNG TO HER WAIST. I wasn’t quite sure at first if this was what was happening, so I observed in my periphery. When the baby pulled itself off, I noticed that, yes, she had indeed been breastfeeding. AND HER NIPPLE WAS THE SIZE AND SHAPE OF A COFFEE CREAMER. Maybe not as wide (but it was pretty damn wide), but definitely as long. For those of you that think I’m a pervert for looking, you have to trust me when I say that there was nothing erotic or even attractive about this scene. It was sickening. But it was also hilarious.

I haven’t even reached the kicker of this situation, either. I saw the mother put a young girl next to her on the seat. I thought to myself, where did the baby go? Maybe she put it back in the carriage, which was right in front of her. I looked there - no baby. The breastfeeding “baby” had in fact been that little girl, who was at LEAST 3, because she was talking and HAD A FULL SET OF TEETH.

What the hell is going on in this town?! It doesn’t matter how long I stay here, I will never be comfortable with some aspects of the openness of it. If I ever get comfortable enough that I don’t notice events like that (or notice and don’t care), then do me a favor - ball up some hemp string and shove it down my throat so I suffocate. Having become a hippie at this point, I will have died an ironic death, and I will serve as a message (or a martyr, but that’s worst case scenario) for the dirty people of this town.

I have a few things I want to say. First, I am a lazy sack of shit.  I was in and around my bed until 5:30 this evening.  It’s not even like I was doing anything worthwhile - I watched a few episodes of Batman Beyond and Men In Black 2.  Clearly I could have been doing better things with my time.  I just finished watching Road Trip on HBO, and currently coffee is brewing that will last me the week (I put it in a pitcher and refrigerate it, and take what I need each day).  It’s hazelnut. I hate hazelnut.  But I haven’t started working yet, so I have to make do with what I have.

Which brings me to my next point - I got the job at that electronics store.  However, it wasn’t without a hitch - I have to take a drug test.  No, I’m not going to fail. I’ll pass with flying colors.  I just think it’s a tad demeaning, for a pretty mediocre job. It pays the bills, I guess. Anyway, the thing about it is this: I had my third and final interview on Friday (three interviews? Come on.) at 3:30, and after I was done around 3:45, my new manager told me I had to go down the road to a lab and pee in a cup.  Well, I don’t have a car, so I couldn’t get there.  I called them - turns out they’re only open until 4 PM every day anyway.  So I have to go tomorrow. I don’t know what they were thinking, scheduling me so late in the day and expecting me to make it to the pee-cup in time - they really wanted to start me ASAP, so they should have planned it a little better. My roommate has agreed to drive me tomorrow between my class and my lab.

Finally, one other thing. As some of you may know, I just changed servers for my blog. I used to be on my college’s server, but I switched to one where I actually had a hope of being read (today.com! They only host blogs and videos).  I go to log in and I see today’s featured blog.  I don’t want to link to it because I don’t need any hate mail from children, but let’s just say it’s written by a naive soon-to-be freshman in college.  And his (her?) blog name is eerily similar to mine.  And his (its?) one and only entry is an angsty, faux-poetic pile of doggy shit.  A couple of gripes:

1. This person said, “[This summer] is the last time I will be home in general before I leave to pursue a higher knowledge in the money suck that is college.” Awkward grammar aside, this person should NOT be attending college. It is a lot more than a “money suck”.  It’s fucking awesome. I don’t care what anyone says - not only do you learn a hell of a lot in classes, but your worldview is opened up! College changes you in ways that are (mostly) beneficial, and it helps you to think critically and see the big picture.  The author will be editing this entry in a few months to say something like, “As I sit here, typing at my desk, the vacant snores of my roommate emanating from behind, I am feeling like I am in an entirely new country: a country that runs on knowledge and whose national food is ramen.” I got two words for ya buddy: Fuck you!
2. Second (I’d have more to say, but it’s a short post), this person is a lifeguard on a beach, which they call “the crap that is the current job”.  Awkward grammar aside again, being a lifeguard is A FUCKING AWESOME JOB.  You do very little and get paid for it! You can read a book (maybe), listen to music (definitely), and rake in the dough. Man, I wish we were all so unlucky to have that job.

Seriously, today.com, step it up! The last time I checked, your featured blog was a gossip column! Why not feature something that’s at least entertaining? I mean, entertaining in the fact that it’s not pitiful?

Today I had to walk to the Cumberland Farms down the street to get some essentials (bread, milk, Doritos, and ice cream), and on the way back into my apartment complex, I saw a dirty man driving a dirty truck throwing out his dirty trash. Of course I made a song up about him in my head:

Dirt man!
Makin’ a trip to the Dirt Can!
Livin’ his life with his Dirt Fam!
Thinkin’ up his five-year Dirt Plan!

At this point I saw a cardinal pecking the ground on the other side of a speed bump. I take out my phone to take a picture of it. While I’m waiting for it to be ready to take a picture (it has to load), of course the dirty man drives by in his dirty truck and scares it away.

While I was at the store, I also saw three morbidly obese women getting what could hardly be categorized as “essential” (tons of Mountain Dew). Humanity is not on my side right now.

So Wednesday went really well on all fronts. The test was easy (let’s see how I did on it), the lab took an hour less time than I thought it would, and my interview was excellent. I have ANOTHER one today! What the hell.  I don’t see why this company has so many damn interviews.  And if you’re thinking this is a very important job at a prestigious company, I can assure you it’s not.  Without giving it away, it’s an electronics store (my specialty).

The funniest thing happened while I was there. I walked in early for my interview and the guy at the front told me to wait in one of the chairs in front of this huge display TV they have with  a PS3 set up on it.  So I go over there and there’s this 12- or 13-year-old kid sitting there, playing Ghost Recon.  So I’m sitting awkwardly next to him for about 10 minutes, watching him die over and over again.  I asked him what the game was, but that was all I said the entire time.  He was probably thinking, “What the hell is wrong with this guy?”

My interview today (or whatever it is) is at 3:30, so I had to look up bus schedules. This is going to be a pain in the ass to get over there.  We’ll see what happens with all of this. I’ll keep you posted.

I’m getting pretty good at this cooking thing. I wanted a simple pasta dish that wasn’t the usual fare, so I went online and found a website that gives you recipes with 5 or less ingredients. Ended up making penne with broccoli that has been pan-fried with garlic and spicy red pepper.  I am stuffed.  I ate so much! Anyway, it’s not hard to make simple food - you just have to be creative I guess. It took me about 20 minutes to make, and I got to watch Scrubs, so I can’t complain at all.

Now I must study for my exam that’s tomorrow morning. I’ll let you know how it goes.  Tomorrow is the day from hell.